After getting engaged, you may be looking for some wedding planning tips, because like most engaged people, one of the first things engaged couples want to know is “what should I be doing?”
Your first thought is probably to set a date, or choose your attendants or to book your reception site. Yes, these are all important, and you’ll eventually have to take care of them. But before you do, stop. There are a few things you’ll need to do first, so here my top wedding planning tips.
Jean’s Top 10 Wedding Planning Tips
Wedding Planning Tips #1 – Know your (and your fiancé’s) personal style
. . . and let it flow into your wedding plans. Are you more contemporary or casual? Traditional, or classic?
Are you comfortable in large crowds or do you prefer more intimate gatherings? Is your idea of a great evening filled with dinner and dancing or fabulous cocktails and yummy desserts?
Think about the style of clothes you wear, how you decorate your home, the types of music and books you prefer, the movies you watch, and other favorite past times. Let this reflect in your wedding choices.
If you’re more casual or outdoorsy, have a bouquet of wildflowers instead of orchids and lilies.
If your musical tastes lean towards the old standards of the 40’s, then let Sinatra and Michael Bublé croon.
Let this be YOUR wedding, not just A wedding.
Wedding Planning Tips #2 – Know your priorities
The 2nd thing to do after you’ve gotten engaged (and I think that this is probably one of the most important) is knowing your wedding priorities. Your wedding will share many of the same elements as all of the other weddings – such as music, a cake, and flowers. What will be different are your individual preferences.
Figure out what elements of a wedding are more important to you and those that aren’t so important. All things are not created equal, and the importance of the different elements that will go into the make-up of your wedding won’t be equal either.
Ideally, you may “want it all” but unless you’ve got the pocketbook of a Rockefeller, you’ll need to make some compromises.
Make a list of all the things that you will have in your wedding – the music, the cake, the flowers, and rate them by order of importance. What’s more important to you, a delicious cake or awesome flowers? Fabulous food or a killer gown? Get your fiancé’s input as well. It’s his wedding too! Besides, if something’s high on his list, and low on yours – guess who’s “to do” list it goes on?
By knowing your priorities, your choices will better reflect who you are and you will have a better sense of when to skimp and when to splurge.
Wedding Planning Tips #3 – Don’t be afraid of expressing yourself
This is one of the key wedding planning tips. You and your partner know what you want, so you have to tell those essential in executing this.
Your wedding professionals want to create a wedding that is just for you (it’s no fun for us to do the same thing over and over again) so you’ll need to let them know what you want. You aren’t the same as anyone else, and you don’t have to let your wedding be the same as anyone elses.
Take into consideration the region where you live (or grew up), your heritage, any family traditions or customs, and use these elements to personalize your wedding.
Also, remember to tell them what you don’t like and what you don’t want as well as what you do like and want. Tear pages out of magazines of things you love and things you can’t stand.
Be as specific as possible when explaining what you are looking for. But if there is something that you’re not sure of — for example, you want to carry a bouquet, but don’t have any idea what style or types of flowers you want to have — don’t despair. By indicating what you don’t want can make it easier for you and your wedding professionals to head in the right direction by process of elimination, and come up with some great ideas that will work for you.
Get paint chips and color swatches to share with your wedding planner, florist, baker and linen specialists.
Share them with anyone who will be dealing with how colors will be used at your wedding — so they truly understand what colors you’re talking about. Don’t rely on color name alone. One person’s “wine” is another person’s “burgundy.”
Do whatever it takes to get your point across.
Wedding Planning Tips #4 – Set a workable budget
You may be thinking, “I don’t need any wedding planning tips that tell me to make a budget. I know we need a budget.”
But look at #4 again. I said set a workable budget. Stay away from budgets that are little more than an “expense report.” I’m sure you’ve seen the kind — you to enter your “estimated” budget and your “actual amount spent.” This is really nothing more than a tally of receipts instead of a true budget.
With no – or an incorrect type of – budget, it will be too easy for your wedding expenses to get out of hand and you end up paying more that what you wanted to, or what you could afford.
Before you make any purchases or put down any deposits determine a feasible budget. Start out with knowing how much you’ll have to spend on your entire wedding. This can include money you and your fiancé can comfortable take from savings, how much you’ll be setting aside from your paychecks, as well as money that either your parents or his parents (or anyone else) may contribute.
Once you’ve got this dollar amount, divide it up by percentages based on national average. (Example, the reception is typically 33%-50% of the total budget, transportation 2%, invitations/wedding stationery 4% . . .). This will be your starting point.
Next, grab your priorities list (remember Tip #2?) and determine where to make adjustments.
Maybe having lots of gorgeous flowers at the top of your list, but special transportation at the bottom. Then move the amount you’ve have allocated for transportation up to your floral category. Or perhaps you’ve been dreaming about hiring a great band, but although you want the food to be good, it doesn’t have to be too fancy. Then shave off a bit from your reception category and add it to entertainment.
This will help you to know where to splurge and where to save. Spend your money on what’s important to you and cut back on what’s not so important. Then if you come in under budget in a category you can reallocate the difference elsewhere, and if you go over budget it will be by choice, not by accident.
Wedding Planning Tips #5 – There are very few hard and fast rules when it comes to weddings
Now I’m not talking about Emily Post etiquette but the “you gotta do this or that” that well-meaning friends and family members insist has to be included for a wedding to be “right.”
Other than obtaining a marriage license and having an officiant who can legally preside over a ceremony, there are truly no “shoulds” or “musts.”
Gone are the days when you married a hometown boy in the same church where everyone in town gets married, and have your reception in the same hall where everyone in town has theirs, with basically little variation on the food, cake, music, etc. from one couples wedding to the next. So, let yourself step “out-of-the-box” and see the wonderful options available.
Don’t let anyone talk you into something you truly don’t want. There’s no rule that says you have to have “The Stripper” played during the removal of the garter for the garter toss. You don’t have to have equal numbers of men and women in the bridal party. Your attendants don’t have to be female and your fiancés don’t have to be male.
If you have a male cousin or friend that you are especially close to, then why not ask him to be one of your attendants? There’s also no rule that says you have to wear white – or that you cannot wear white. In fact, it was Queen Victoria who thought out-of-the-box and broke tradition by wearing a white gown for her wedding to Prince Albert in 1840.
Wedding Planning Tips #6 – Keep your guest list in check right from the very start
From writing out your guest list to tallying up your RSVP’s – the number of guests is crucial to keeping your budget from skyrocketing. On the average, a reception costs 1/3 to 1/2 of the total budget. So if your guest list takes on a life of its own and starts growing uncontrollably, guess what else will start growing? Unfortunately, this list can grow very easily – the “forgotten” invitee, the reciprocal invitation, the person you will meet between now and your wedding day, the “and guests.”
Your master guest list will be determined by combining the lists provided by your parents, his parents, you and your fiancé. Before anyone writes down a single name, determine how many people everyone can include on their list – and stick to that number.
If someone goes over this number explain that they must trim their list by either making an A and B list, removing the name altogether, or, if your reception hall has the space, they need to pay the difference. But remember that the difference is more than just the cost of an extra meal. It is also the extra beverages, hors d’oeuvres, favors, chairs, napkins, plates, forks . . . Add up just a few “extra people” and you also have to add in the extra table, extra table cloth, and extra centerpiece.
When trimming the list, keep it fair, which will lessen the chance of hurt feelings. Make cuts even across the board, such as don’t invite relatives further than first cousins, don’t invite children under the age of 13, don’t invite anyone you haven’t actually spoken to or kept close contact with in the last year, and don’t invite the “and guest.”
On the rare occasion, you may get an RSVP indicating more people will be attending than you invited. Now you’ve got two choices. Either ignore it and add a few more to your list (and your pocketbook) or contact the wayward guest, and kindly but firmly let them know that you are sorry but you cannot accommodate any additional people. Give them a reason why, but make sure the reason appears to be something you cannot alter, (ex. we’re already to the limit of our budget, or the room just won’t hold any more people).
Wedding Planning Tips #7 – Don’t worry about the little details at the onset of your wedding planning
After you first get engaged and start your wedding plans, at some point it’s going to hit you – “Oh My Gosh! I’ve got to pick out dresses, and select a menu, and send out invitations, and what kind of centerpieces should we get, and …”
Well, guess what? Unless you only have a few weeks to plan your big event, you don’t need to make any of these decisions yet.
First off, take care of the “biggies.” Interview wedding professionals and find the ones who “get” you and understand your style. Then the perfect location, that great photographer, the phenomenal florist, and so on. But other than your giving them your deposits, you don’t need to tell them how you want the room laid out, what photos you must have, what entrée to serve . . .
Now, after you’ve booked your key players, take time and have fun with the details.
Go to bridal shows and flip through bridal magazines to get ideas and inspiration.
Keep a running list of songs that you want to hear, and what you don’t want to hear, and a list of photos that can’t be missed. When you think of a song you’d like to hear, or remember someone you’d like to have a photo of, jot it down.
It’s so much easier than trying take care of this all in one afternoon or evening (usually right before your final appointment with your DJ or photographer), and less chance of forgetting something.
Pace yourself so you can enjoy yourself instead of turning this into a chore.
Wedding Planning Tips #8 – Make sure your vendors are trained and experienced in weddings
A wedding is unlike any other type of gathering or social event. It is more than a “big party with some wedding stuff” thrown in.
For a smooth, flawless wedding day, surround yourself with people who understand the dynamics that exist only with weddings, not to mention the experience to deal with the emotions that will be running high. Ask for references and credentials. Find out their qualifications. Then after you’ve hired them, trust them to do it right.
You may think you’ll save a bundle if you let Aunt Helen make your cake, or Uncle Jack take your pictures. Even though you know them, do you really know their work? Their style may not match what you envision for your wedding day, and as relatives, it will be much harder to tell them “No. That’s not the way I want it to be.”
Also, you create a fine line between ‘are they guests at your wedding and allowed to fun, or are they workers with a job to do.’ Remember the old adage, “You get what you pay for.”
Simply put, “you call a plumber when you’ve got problems with the pipes, and a doctor when you are sick.” Well, you’ve got a wonderful wedding day to enjoy – so use the people who specialize in giving you the products and services you need and want for this occasion.
Wedding Planning Tips #9 – Designate a go-to person for your wedding day
Do you want to have vendors and friends/family members bombarding you or your fiancé with questions on your wedding day?
Of course not.
Make sure you aren’t being pestered by designating a go-to person.
Your professional wedding planner/coordinator will fill this role, as “go-to person” is part of the job description.
But if you don’t have a wedding planner/coordinator make sure you choose someone other than yourself, your groom, your mom, his mom, or a member of your bridal party. Make sure that this person will be available at the rehearsal, ceremony and reception.
This person, who can be a friend or relative, will need to know all of the details of your wedding day, including where everything will go, and when everything will occur (without having to ask you on your wedding day!)
They will take on several responsibilities such as:
- making sure all of your vendors have arrived and are set up correctly
- all corsages and boutonnieres are pinned on
- getting everyone down the aisle at the right moment
- ensuring that all of your vendors are on the same schedule
- the champagne is poured at the proper time
- knowing if the dollar dance or the bouquet toss comes next
- directing guests to their tables if you’ve got assigned seating
Among other things, this person will be a combination go-fer, hostess, delivery person and trouble shooter, and will take care of all the little (and big) behind-the-scenes details so you and your groom will be able to enjoy your wedding day and not have to worry about anything.
We finally come to the end of my Top 10 Wedding Planning Tips list. Although this is the last one, it by no means is the least important. In fact, I believe that it is probably the most important of all the wedding planning tips!
Wedding Planning Tips #10 – Remember why you’re having a wedding!
This may be the most fun of all my wedding planning tips. The reason for planning a wedding is not for the sake of having a big party. It’s not just because of one day, (although this day is immensely important. Instead the reason you’re having a wedding is for all the days that will follow. For all the days that you will be blessed to get to spend with the love of your life.
Schedule some regular ‘non-wedding’ activities by yourself and with friends.
Remember to pamper yourself – put on some relaxing music and soak in the tub.
Spend time on the hobbies and activities that you used to enjoy before you got too busy with wedding plans.
Go out regular dates with your fiancé. (See why it’s one of most fun of the wedding planning tips)? Go out for dinner, go see the latest movie – but do not talk about the wedding. It’s all too easy to become consumed with wedding stuff. By having dates and non-wedding time will give you and your fiancé time to be yourselves (you know, the ones who are more than just “bride” and “groom.” This will also help ensure that once your wedding day comes (and goes), you’ll know how to enjoy each others company without all that wedding talk.
And most important, have fun!
What do you think of my top 10 list of wedding planning tips? Is there anything else you’d add? Let me know in the comments below.
Photo Credits:
Bride and Groom – Ray B’s world (CC BY 2.0)
Paint Chips – Hey Paul Studios (CC BY 2.0)
Hearts, Joy, Love!
Jean
For more wedding planning tips, if you are looking for fun ideas, or if you need some help with your wedding plans, contact me today at jean@weddingsfromtheheart.net or by phone/text at 937-581-3647!