Before your wedding day you have to invite your guests. But before you can do that, you need to have a guest list. But making that guest list takes a bit more time and effort than just jotting down some names. Follow the following tips to create your wedding guest list.
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Creating Your Wedding Guest List
Remember that you’ll need more than just some first names (or nicknames), and addresses for your final, master guest list. You’re going to need proper first and last names (or familiar first names if your wedding isn’t formal), full addresses, AND a phone number and/or email address (to easily contact any non-RSVPers – Yes, you will get those).
Include a column or check box for RSVP Received, and selected meal choice (if you are offering this).
And you’re going to want to keep this information neatly organized. Some people like an Excel Spreadsheet. Others find a simple Word document works fine for them. Pick a method that works best for you.
Photo Credit: TineyHo (CC BY-SA 2.0)
Then . . .
1) Determine how many people you want to invite
One of the first things you need to do before even starting on your wedding guest list is to decide on how many people you can invite.
Before you start writing out the list, do some serious thinking. Sit down with your fiancé and talk about what kind of wedding you want. Have you dreamt of a huge wedding with nearly everyone you know in attendance or do you prefer a more intimate gathering of your closest family and friends?
What is your budget? Does that mean that you can have a big gathering, or a smaller, more intimate event? (Then again, just because you can afford a large wedding doesn’t mean that you have to have a large wedding).
2) Decide whether or not you want to include children
There is no universal right or wrong answer to this. Some couples want an “Adults Only” event, while others can’t imagine not have little ones around on their big day.
3) Decide whether or not you want to include +1s (aka “Plus One,” and “and Guest”)
Are there many single people in your circle of family and friends? Years ago the saying was “No ring, no bring,” meaning if a person wasn’t married, their partner doesn’t have to be invited too. These days the invitation is also extended to their partner if they are in a long term relationship (and not just their “date of the week”).
4) Gather the preliminary lists
Once you have a handle on the size of the wedding, you can begin to gather guests’ names.
There are a few different ways to assemble the guest list. The simplest, and most traditional way is to divide the list 50 – 50 between your family and your partner’s family. Or you can divide the list in thirds – 1/3 to the couple and 1/3 each to your families.
However you do it, be sure that everyone realizes that this is just a preliminary list, and some names may be removed from the final master list.
5) Merge the preliminary lists
With this combined list, you can easily see the total number of people you’ll potentially be inviting, as well as any duplicates that may be there. Once the potential list is assembled from all parties, you may find that some cuts will have to be made.
6) Make cuts and adjust as needed
Sometimes it can be a bit tricky deciding who and how many potential guests will need to be cut from the list. An easy way is to have everyone cut a set number from their list. Or you can have the person with the longest list make the cuts. You can also set criteria/categories to base who to cut, such as business associates, casual acquaintances, no one under the age of 13 (or 15, or whatever age you choose), or friends you haven’t seen in years. You may decide not to include children.
Whatever method is chosen, try to be fair and equitable.
When making your lists don’t forget to include your partner’s immediate family, your officiant, and everyone in your wedding party as well as their spouses or dates.
Know that there is some flexibility in the numbers. As a general rule 15 – 20% of the total number of people invited will be unable to attend.
What To Do About “Obligation” Invites When Creating Your Wedding Guest List
A while back I read a story (probably on Facebook) about a bride who was frustrated with her future mother-in-law (FMIL). Seems that FMIL feels obligated to add people to the wedding guest list – namely extended family that neither the bride nor the groom (remember, this is HIS side) has seen nor talked to in years.
These additions are greatly increasing their guest list, making their wedding way larger than they wanted.
So, what to do if you find yourself in a similar situation?
There are a number of things that can be done to keep your wedding guest list from getting out of hand, and which remedy you choose depends on what you and your fiancé want out of your wedding day.
Typically a wedding guest list is a culmination of 3 or 4 separate lists – yours and your partner’s list, your parents’, and your partner’s parents’. After you’ve decided how many people in total you want, divide that number by 4 (or 3 if you and your fiancé are doing your portion together), and let everyone know they can only put this amount of people on their portion of the list.
Once these preliminary lists are done, put them all together and you’ve got “The” list.
Simple, right?
Not always. Life isn’t symmetrical – and none of us has the same exact number of loved ones that we’d want to include. So, sometimes somebody tries to be sneaky (or not so sneaky) and add in more than their allotted number of names.
Why do they do this? Well, like the name says, it’s out of some idea of “obligation.” “Well, we were invited to Mr. and Mrs. Smith’s daughter’s wedding, so we just have to invite them to yours.”
Which leaves you and your partner having to either . . .
. . . Include the people your parents want to invite out of “obligation” and cut others who you’d prefer to be at your wedding
Or
. . . Hold fast to not adding anyone else to the guest list (thereby inviting the people you truly know and love, and not those you barely know or may have never met)
If (or when) this happens, here’s what to do:
1) If your desired head count (you know, that number of people in total that you want), is already at the maximum capacity of the venue, then you both have to make it clear to everyone that they can only have x amount of people on their portion of the wedding guest list. This is not debatable. The venue can only hold so many people, and it’s impossible to make a room bigger.
2) If money is an issue, and someone wants to go over their allotted number of invitees, then they have to provide the additional funds. More on that later.
3) If you and your partner’s ideal wedding is only of a certain size, and you both really want to keep the size of the wedding guest list at the original agreed upon number, then again, you both have to make it clear to others that they can only have x amount of people on their portion of the guest list. This is not debatable. It’s your wedding and your wishes should be respected.
4) If you and your fiancé haven’t talked about your ideal wedding day, do so now! If you could have your wedding any way you want, no limitations (except what you want or don’t want), what would it be? What would be your partner’s ideal wedding?
Does his ideal wedding ultimately include inviting all the relatives? If not, then see #3. If so, then you’ll need to figure out where adjustments can be made.
Break down the lists into how you feel about them being at your wedding – “can’t imagine them not being there,” “would love for them to be there,” “would be nice/ok if they were there,” “not bothered if they weren’t there.” This way you can see who could potentially be removed to lower the number of people on the list or to accommodate any additional invitees.
The truth about ‘paying for the extra people’:
Beware of the offer to pay for the meal of the extra guests. Why? Because an extra guest is more than just the cost of an extra plate of food – which is typically what most people are thinking of when they offer to pay.
Costs incurred by adding more people is not just for that extra plate of food. Extra people means more beverages, more tables and chairs, more table linens and napkins, more centerpieces, more favors… Not to mention the sales taxes and surcharges incurred upon these extra items.
Inviting 8 additional people can easily add $500 to the budget. Having a guest pay you $25 for that extra plate of food suddenly doesn’t seem quite so doable, does it?
Sure, you want to be “fair.” You want to keep the peace and make everyone happy. But remember, this is your wedding – yours and your partner’s – and you want the people you most want to celebrate your special day with on the wedding guest list. Ultimately, choose what really matters to the two of you.
Hearts, Joy, Love!
Jean
Looking for fun ideas, or need help with your wedding plans? Contact me today at [email protected] or by phone or text at 937-581-3647!
