Photo Credit: Dave Lesko/Lesko Photography
Choosing your wedding party can be a super easy task if you are planning on a small wedding with your only sister as an attendant. Some couples like the minimalist look of just having a maid of honor and a best man. And, on the other hand, there are some couples who dream of having all their close personal friends standing up with them.
Either way is fine, however the more people you have to deal with, the more difficult it can get (what with handling all those different personalities, trying to coordinate their different schedules for bridesmaid dress shopping, getting their help with wedding tasks and plans, and pre-wedding events such as the bridal luncheon). Not to mention that it will also be more costly! (You’ll be paying for more bouquets and boutonnieres, more wedding attendant gifts, possibly hair and makeup for the wedding day, and a larger vehicle rental if you plan on special transportation for your wedding party.)
And what if the bride prefers an even wedding party (the same number of people on her side and on her partner’s), and she wants all of her sorority sisters in the wedding party, but her groom doesn’t even know that many guys? There could be an issue, so you’ve got some compromising to do!
Where To Start When Choosing Your Wedding Party
In order to avoid these types of issues, before you start choosing your wedding party (and definitely before you start asking anyone), you and your partner must agree on: 1) quantity (how big is the entire wedding party going to be), and 2) if you have to have the same number on both sides (there’s no rule that says the wedding party has to be even).
Photo Credit: Weddings From The Heart
After the two of you have figured that out, next put together a list of potential candidates for your wedding party attendants. Then, start filling in slots. You can fill in your side and have your partner fill in theirs. Or together you can fill in both sides by alternating choices.
Some experts recommend the following formula to determine the number of bridesmaids – “The number of bridesmaids a bride should have is one for every 45-50 guests.” Why 1 per 45-50 guests? Honestly, it doesn’t matter how many you really have.
I do recommend two things: 1) follow this formula for your groomsmen/ushers, as you’ll want an adequate number on hand to seat your guests at the ceremony in a timely fashion, and 2) your wedding party shouldn’t be more than 7-8% of the total number of guests. There’s no such thing as a too small wedding party, but they can be too big (if it looks like half of the people attending your wedding is standing up front with you, then it’s too big).
Photo Credit: Childers Photography
Other experts say have as many as you can afford. But is having more bridesmaids just because you can afford more the best reason to do so? Maybe you and your partner would prefer to allocate that money for something else at the wedding.
Instead, think of the people who are the most important to you. Those who are truly happy and excited for you, and want to help make your day less stressful and more special. Those who you can’t imagine not being by your side regardless of the circumstances.
From there, determine if you want them to be in the wedding party or to help out at the wedding in a different capacity, such as a reader, guest book attendant, or candle lighter.
Photo Credit: Monique Studios
Tips for Choosing Your Wedding Party
• Make a list of the people you are the closest to (start with your siblings, then your BFFs)
• Don’t forget about your partner’s siblings
• Gender doesn’t matter (you can have a bridesman, a man of honor, a groomsmaid, a best woman)
• You don’t have to reciprocate (you don’t have to ask someone to be in your wedding party just because you were in theirs)
Then, ask yourself:
• Are they able to participate at the level you’d like (logistically, financially, and emotionally)?
• Will they be able to get along with the rest of the wedding party?
• Are they truly happy for you and your fiancé?
Wedding Party FAQs
Q. What is the typical size of a wedding party?
A. The average size of a wedding party in the U.S. is 4 people on each side (8 total), not including any flower girls or ring bearers.
Q. What to do if you have more people than the number of attendant slots? For example, you only want 4 bridesmaids, but have 7 people you’d love to include. Or what if someone you ask has to decline (but would still love to attend your wedding)?
A. Make them an honorary attendant. Being an honorary attendant carries no duties (they don’t dress like the rest of your wedding party, nor do they walk down the aisle). Instead, they attend just like any other guest. The only difference is they get a corsage or boutonniere. And a mention in the wedding program if you are using one.
Q. What if you can’t decide between your two best friends, or your two sisters (or maybe your BF and your sis) on who should be your Maid of Honor?
A. Easy. Have two maids of honor. There’s no rule that says you can only have one. They will then share the MOH duties during the ceremony (such as one adjusts the bride’s train and veil at the altar, and the other holds the bride’s bouquet).
Q. Is it ok to have only bridesmaids and no maid of honor?
A. Of course! They can be all bridesmaids, or all maids of honor, or however you’d like.
Q. What other ways can we include our siblings and friends other than in the wedding party?
A. There are so many different ways for others to participate in your wedding. A few other duties are:
• Guest Book/Program Attendant
Ensures that all guests have signed the guest book and receive a ceremony program
• Readers
Does a reading at the ceremony
• Greeters
Greets guests as they arrive and directs them to where they should go (they also should know where the restrooms are located in case a guest asks)
Conclusion
Like most other wedding planning aspects, there is no one right or wrong way to have a wedding party. But if you follow these tips, choosing your wedding party will be a breeze.
Hearts, Joy, Love!
Jean
Author of “Wedding Invitations, RSVPs, and More! Oh My!” and “From ‘I Will’ to ‘I Do’”
Looking for fun ideas, or need help with your wedding plans? Contact me today at [email protected] or by phone or text at 937-581-3647!
These are all such great and useful tips. I am sure someone who is about to get married can appreciate this!
Thanks. I try to provide information that will help make planning a wedding easier.