Photo Credit: Jon Tyson via Unsplash
In spite of all the media attention on weddings big and small, there are still awkward “I’m not sure how to handle this” moments for guests—often leaving them with plenty of wedding questions. Weddings today come with a mix of traditional elements, personal touches, and sometimes unconventional twists. These variations can depend on the couple’s culture, region, or even the latest wedding trend that’s caught their eye. While the shift away from rigid rules allows couples to create weddings that truly reflect their personalities, it can leave guests scratching their heads.
At the heart of it, wedding guests want to be supportive and follow proper etiquette. Even if it seems like the “rules” were simpler in the past, today’s emphasis on individuality means the wedding landscape has shifted. This can lead to confusion about how to interpret the invitation or whether traditional gestures like bringing a gift are still expected.
We get it—being a wedding guest isn’t as simple as just showing up anymore. To help clear the air, here are answers to some common questions we hear from guests.
Top Wedding Questions Guests Have
1. How do I know if my partner or significant other is included in the invitation?
Photo Credit: David Chang Kit via Unsplash
If you’re wondering whether you can bring a plus-one, start by carefully examining the invitation. Traditional invitations often have two envelopes: the outer envelope is addressed to you, while the inner one may specify your name and “+ guest” or your partner’s name. If there is only one envelope, again look to see what name or names are indicated. Whoever is named is invited.—no exceptions.
When in doubt, avoid assumptions—reach out to the couple or their wedding planner for clarification. Trust me, they’d much rather answer your question than deal with a surprise guest!
2. Who should I address a check to if I’m gifting money?
Let’s face it, wedding registries can be overwhelming, and sometimes the simplest gift is money. But who should the check be made out to? Here’s what to consider:
• If the couple is combining finances or has a joint account, you can write the check to both of them.
• If you’re unsure about the couple’s preferences or last names, it’s safest to make the check out to the bride using her maiden name. (She’ll likely be able to cash it whether or not she’s changed her name yet.)
Pro tip: Avoid writing “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith” on the check unless you’re absolutely certain that’s how they want it. Not only is this outdated, but it can also create banking headaches for the couple.
3. What should I wear to the wedding?
Photo Credit: Amy Kate via Unsplash
For many wedding guests, the dress code can feel like a riddle, especially with creative terms like “Garden Glam” or “Festive Cocktail” appearing on invitations. When in doubt:
• Consult the invitation for clues. A black-tie wedding typically means formal attire, while “beach casual” suggests lighter fabrics and relaxed vibes.
• If the invitation doesn’t specify, use the venue and time of day as your guide. Evening weddings at a fancy venue call for cocktail attire or formal wear, while afternoon garden ceremonies lean more semi-formal or casual.
Still unsure? It’s better to dress slightly up than too casual. After all, no one ever regrets looking sharp in the photos!
4. Is it okay to take pictures during the ceremony?
You may be tempted to snap a quick photo of the happy couple, but first, check if the wedding is “unplugged.” Many couples prefer their ceremony to be phone-free so guests can fully experience the moment. This will usually be indicated on the program, signage at the venue, or even a note on the invitation.
If there’s no mention of restrictions, keep it respectful:
• Avoid blocking the professional photographer.
• Turn off your flash.
• Post sparingly to social media until after the couple has shared their own photos.
5. What’s the best way to RSVP?
Photo Credit: Parekh Cards vi Flickr
This is one of the most common wedding RSVP questions. A wedding invitation suite should include the couple’s preferred method of RSVPing. Couples have several options to use for RSVPs, such as an RSVP card to fill in and mail back, a phone number to call, an email address or other online method.
In the age of digital invites and wedding websites, RSVPing has become easier than ever, but it’s also easy to overlook. Whether it’s a traditional reply card or an online form, respond promptly. Couples are often working with strict deadlines for catering and seating arrangements, so waiting until the last minute—or not responding at all—creates unnecessary stress.
If you need to decline, be honest but kind. A simple “We’re so sorry we can’t make it but wish you all the best!” is enough.
Final Thoughts
Attending a wedding is a joyous occasion, but navigating the dos and don’ts can sometimes feel like walking a tightrope. By paying attention to the details and following these tips, you’ll not only ease the couple’s planning process but also ensure you’re remembered as a thoughtful wedding guest.
Still have questions? Let me know in the comments, and I’ll help you out!
Hearts, Joy, Love!
Jean
Author of “Wedding Invitations, RSVPs, and More! Oh My!” and “From ‘I Will’ to ‘I Do’”
