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Photo Credit: Chad Sparkes via Flickr
In recent years, there’s been a rise in social media posts from brides who are clearly misusing save the dates — and often expecting a response before invitations are even sent out. We’ve seen brides asking, “Will you be attending?” or “Please let me know as soon as possible if you’re coming!” after sending out save the dates. But here’s the reality: save the dates are not invitations, and they shouldn’t be treated as such.
This confusion can quickly snowball into a bigger problem—overbooking. In some cases, brides might end up over-inviting guests or mismanaging their guest list entirely because they didn’t have a clear plan before sending out those Save the Date cards. The result? Stress, confusion, and potentially awkward situations where guests are disinvited or left wondering what the rules are.
How to Avoid Guest List Overload and Save the Dates Missteps
The Kim Kardashian Example: What Not to Do
Take, for example, Kim Kardashian’s wedding to Kris Humphries in 2011. The media frenzy surrounding their wedding included a curious twist: Kim had to cut 50 guests from her wedding list at the last minute due to “space issues.” Imagine the chaos and awkwardness that would ensue when invited guests receive the dreaded “sorry, you’re no longer invited” call.
This is a prime example of what can happen when your guest list gets out of control. Sending save the dates before finalizing your guest list or securing a venue is a recipe for disaster. Brides may think they’ve got everything under control, only to realize later that their venue can’t accommodate all the people they’ve promised to invite. This scenario not only causes stress for the couple but also for the guests who are now caught in the middle of a wedding guest list shuffle.
The Purpose of Save the Dates
First, let’s talk about the purpose of save the dates. These cards are a heads-up, not a formal invitation. They are meant to let your loved ones know to mark the wedding date on their calendars—especially those who need to travel, and are typically sent months before the formal invitation goes out, which gives guests ample time to make plans, request time off from work, or book accommodations.
The key takeaway here? Save the Dates are a notice—not an invitation. Asking for RSVPs at this stage creates confusion for guests and adds unnecessary pressure to your wedding planning process. A proper RSVP only comes after your formal invitation is sent, which includes all the relevant details: the location, the time, and a deadline to respond.
The Danger of Misusing Save the Dates
When sent prematurely or used incorrectly, they can set off a domino effect. For one, guests may assume that they’ve already been invited and start making plans before the formal invitation arrives.
Some couples even accidentally create an inflated guest list by sending save the dates to people they’re not sure they can accommodate. This can lead to a big issue when the time comes to finalize the guest list, and they realize their venue or budget can’t handle all of those “mini-invites.”
Overbooking Your Wedding Guest List
Photo Credit: Tiney Ho via Flickr
If your save the dates are not carefully managed, they can contribute to overbooking—both in terms of your guest list and your budget. Sending them out before solidifying your venue and budget can lead to costly mistakes. When your guest list grows too large, it not only strains your finances but also impacts the intimacy and enjoyment of your wedding. Larger weddings often feel less personal, and you may end up inviting people you feel you should invite, rather than those you genuinely want to share your special day with.
Overbooking doesn’t just mean inviting too many people. It can also mean you’re not respecting the space limitations of your venue. Some couples may start with a rough idea of how many people they’d like to invite, but without taking into account how many people their venue can actually accommodate, they end up scrambling to adjust their guest list later on.
And in some unfortunate cases, they may even have to disinvite people—just like Kim Kardashian did—when their guest list grows beyond the space available.
How to Avoid the Overbooking Dilemma
To avoid overbooking your wedding, it’s essential to have a solid guest list and a firm understanding of your venue’s capacity and your budget before sending out any save the dates.
Here’s how to get it right:
1. Start with Your Core List: Begin by making a list of the people you absolutely want to attend. This should include immediate family and close friends. From there, you can make decisions about inviting extended family, co-workers, and acquaintances.
2. Don’t Expect RSVPs from Save the Dates: Save the Dates are not invitations. You’re just letting people know your wedding date and that you intend to send them an invitation so they can plan ahead. Avoid asking for RSVPs at this stage—formal invitations will do that job later.
3. Consult Your Venue Early: Find out the capacity of your venue and what it can realistically handle. This will help you decide how many people can be invited without making your event feel overcrowded or unmanageable. Keep your budget in mind as well, since more guests mean more costs, especially for catering.
4. Send Only to Key Guests: Only send Save the Dates to those who must attend your wedding and may need to travel. Don’t treat Save the Dates as a way to broadcast your engagement to everyone. Save the formal invitations for the wider circle.
5. Be Realistic with Your Guest List: Once you’ve sent out save the dates, the guest list should be fairly set in stone. Avoid the temptation to keep adding people later on. It’s much harder (and more awkward) to cut someone from the list once they’ve received a save the date.
6. Work with a Planner: A wedding planner can help you navigate the tricky task of managing guest lists and budgets. With their experience, they can assist in creating a balanced list that won’t result in overbooking and will respect both your venue and budget limitations.
Closing
Managing your guest list and using save the dates properly is key to avoiding the stressful and awkward situation of overbooking your wedding. A little extra planning and thought can save you from costly mistakes and ensure that your special day goes off without a hitch. Remember, save the sates are meant to inform, not to invite or request responses—keep things simple and clear for both you and your guests.
Feeling overwhelmed with wedding planning or stuck on guest lists and save the dates? Let’s make it easier! Head back to my homepage and find more tips, planning tools, and resources to guide you every step of the way. Ready for personalized advice? Schedule a one-on-one consultation.
Hearts, Joy, Love!
Jean
Author of “Wedding Invitations, RSVPs, and More! Oh My!” and “From ‘I Will’ to ‘I Do’”
