When you get married, you aren’t just saying “I do” to your partner. You’re also stepping into a new family dynamic, one that may take time to fully understand. Maybe you think you know your soon-to-be mother in law already, but don’t assume. A wedding doesn’t just unite two people; it merges families, quirks, traditions, and all.
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Whether you’re excited to meet her or nervous about what’s to come, remember that the relationship you build with your future mother-in-law can set the tone for years to come. To help navigate this new connection, we’ve gathered wedding planning advice from brides who have successfully walked this path. Here are their top tips for fostering understanding, managing expectations, and creating a positive foundation with your mother-in-law.
Navigating the Mother in Law Relationship
1. Listen to Her — But Keep Your Own Voice
Listening is a powerful tool for connection. Take time to genuinely hear what your future mother-in-law has to say. Whether she’s reminiscing about her wedding day or sharing family traditions, showing interest in her perspective demonstrates respect.
However, listening doesn’t mean sacrificing your own wishes. Acknowledge her ideas while staying true to your vision for the wedding. If she’s suggesting a tradition that doesn’t resonate with you, thank her for sharing, and explain how you’re personalizing the celebration. Balance is key.
2. Be an Active Communicator
Don’t make the mistake of leaving all the communication to your fiancé. Building a relationship with your future mother-in-law requires direct interaction. While it may feel easier to rely on your partner to pass along updates, taking the initiative shows that you’re invested in getting to know her.
When discussing wedding-related tasks, communicate clearly. For example, if she’s offering to help with decorations, specify the type of help you need. Instead of saying, “We need help with flowers,” try, “We’re looking for someone to arrange centerpieces with us next weekend.” This avoids misunderstandings and makes her feel valued.
3. Embrace Her Strengths and Talents
Everyone loves to feel useful and appreciated. Does she have a knack for floral arrangements? Seek her advice on bouquet styles. Is she an amazing baker? Perhaps she’d enjoy contributing a family recipe to your dessert table. Highlighting her strengths and finding ways to involve her in areas she enjoys can be a win-win for both of you.
Just make sure to give her specific boundaries. For instance, if she’s helping with the menu, explain the overall theme or dietary restrictions upfront so there’s no confusion.
4. Prioritize Face-to-Face Interactions
Texting is convenient, but important conversations are best handled in person (or at least over the phone). Face-to-face communication helps avoid misinterpretations and builds a stronger bond. It’s easier to share excitement, clarify expectations, and address concerns when you’re speaking directly.
Next time you’re tempted to send a quick message about an update, consider inviting her for coffee or scheduling a video call instead. The effort will not go unnoticed.
5. Involve Her in Pre-Wedding Events
Introducing your future mother-in-law to your friends and family before the wedding day can go a long way toward making her feel included. Whether it’s a bridal shower, engagement party, or other celebration, make an effort to include her in the guest list and introduce her around. This not only helps her feel part of the festivities but also eases any potential awkwardness on the big day.
If you’re hosting a smaller gathering with your family, consider inviting her along. Sharing these moments builds familiarity and a sense of belonging.
6. Set Boundaries with Grace
Navigating the balance between asking for advice and feeling overwhelmed by unsolicited opinions can be tricky. It’s okay to set boundaries, but how you communicate them matters. Avoid saying things like, “This is my wedding, not yours,” even if you’re feeling frustrated. Instead, try, “Thank you for your input — I’ll keep that in mind as we finalize our plans.”
By framing boundaries positively, you’re less likely to create tension and more likely to foster understanding.
7. Recognize Her Role in Your Fiancé’s Life
Remember, your future mother-in-law raised the person you love. While she might have different ideas about what a wedding should look like, at her core, she’s probably just trying to ensure her child’s happiness. A little gratitude goes a long way. Taking a moment to thank her for her support can strengthen your bond and show her that you value her role in your lives.
Building the Foundation for a Positive Relationship
The relationship you’re building with your mother-in-law isn’t just about the wedding day. It’s about creating a foundation for the future. Whether it’s sharing holiday dinners, celebrating milestones, or navigating family traditions, the effort you put in now can pay dividends later.
So, take a deep breath, stay true to yourself, and remember that kindness and communication can work wonders. You’re not just planning a wedding; you’re building relationships that will last a lifetime.
Building strong family relationships is key to a joyful wedding day—and beyond. Want more tips like this? Sign up here to get helpful wedding planning advice delivered straight to your inbox and receive your free guide: ‘7 Key Steps Before Embarking on Your Wedding Planning Journey’!
Hearts, Joy, Love!
Jean
Author of “Wedding Invitations, RSVPs, and More! Oh My!” and “From ‘I Will’ to ‘I Do’”
