Working with your officiant is one of the best ways to make your ceremony feel like you. Let’s be real—your ceremony might not be the longest part of the day, but it is the heart of it all. It’s when you say, “We’re in this together,” and actually make it official. So why leave something so meaningful up to chance… or a stranger? By collaborating with your officiant, you ensure that every word and moment reflects your unique story and vision.
To help you navigate this process, I’ve created a free worksheet designed to guide you through collaborating with your officiant.
Photo Credit: zelle duda via Unsplash
Your officiant does more than just read a script and guide you through your “I dos.” They’re the voice of your love story. They help tell your story in a way that feels true to you—whether that’s through meaningful readings, heartfelt vows, shared memories, or special traditions.
And the best way to make sure that story feels true to you? Work with them. Not just around them. Not after them. With them.
Here’s why collaborating with your officiant matters (and how to make the most of it).Working With Your Officiant: Understanding Their Role in Your Ceremony
Your Officiant: More Than Just the Person Who Talks
Whether you’re working with a pro, asking a close friend, or tapping someone spiritual or secular, working with your officiant (instead of just assigning the role) helps set the tone for a ceremony that truly reflects your story. They’re not just reading from a generic script—they’re helping tell your story in a way that fits who you are and what you believe.
When you prioritize working with your officiant—not just assigning them a script—you’ll end up with a ceremony that feels personal and memorable, not like something copied off the internet the night before.
Photo Credit: Childers Photography
Collaborating With Your Officiant – Getting to Know Them
Start with a Conversation (Not Just a Contract)
No two love stories are alike, and your ceremony shouldn’t be either. But before diving into scripts or timelines, a good officiant will want to get to know you—the story of how you met, what you love about each other, what moments define your relationship. So take some time with your officiant and get to know each other a little. Meet up or hop on a call and talk about:
• How you met
• What your relationship is like
• Why you chose them to officiate
• What kind of vibe you want for the ceremony (lighthearted? emotional? short and sweet?)
Think of this as the “first date” of your ceremony planning. You’re laying the groundwork for a more meaningful connection—not just passing along details.
Be Honest About What You Want (And What You Don’t)
Some couples know exactly what they want—others, not so much. Either way, be open. Want to include personal vows? Thinking about a handfasting or unity candle? A reading from your favorite show? Great. Let them know. Your officiant can guide you through those choices and offer ideas you may not have even considered.
And just as important: if there’s anything you don’t want—certain phrases, traditions, or that awkward “you may now kiss the bride” line—speak up. Maybe you prefer no mention of religion. Maybe you want to skip traditional elements altogether. A good officiant won’t be offended—in fact, they’ll appreciate your honesty and be better able to create a ceremony that actually fits you.
Photo Credit: Childers Photography
Crafting Your Ceremony Script
Create the Ceremony Together
You don’t need to write every word, but you should absolutely have a hand in the ceremony script. Collaborate on:
• The opening welcome
• Your love story or personal touches
• Any readings or rituals
• Vows (if you’re writing your own or choosing pre-written ones)
• The pronouncement and closing words
Your officiant can help guide the flow and offer suggestions if you’re stuck. They’ve likely done this before—or if not, you’re figuring it out together.
And if something doesn’t sound right? Don’t be afraid to tweak it until it feels just right.
Photo Credit: openField photography
Rehearsal: Not Just a Run-Through
Rehearse—And Review—Before the Big Day
A wedding rehearsal isn’t about memorizing lines or perfecting a performance. It’s about helping everyone feel comfortable and confident. Think of it like this: a good rehearsal shows everyone how to get from point A to point B, where to stand (or sit or kneel, if needed), and how to get back to point A again. Simple, right?
Even for a straightforward ceremony, working with your officiant to walk through the flow ahead of time can make a huge difference. It helps ease nerves, smooth out transitions, avoid awkward pauses, and ensures everyone—from your wedding party to your officiant—is on the same page.
Your officiant should definitely be part of this. It’s not just about practicing lines—it’s about getting the timing right, keeping everyone relaxed, and making sure nobody accidentally walks down the aisle to the wrong song. (Yes, it’s happened.) Your officiant will walk through their role, confirm cues, and make sure everything feels natural—not stiff or scripted.
Now, if your ceremony is super small (no wedding party, no rituals, no extras), a full rehearsal might not be necessary. But at the very least, take time to review the ceremony script together. Talk through the order, clarify details, and iron out anything that feels off.
Photo Credit: Prima Vista Photography
Why Making Your Officiant Part of the Team Matters
When you work closely with your officiant, you’re not just planning a ceremony—you’re creating a moment that feels like you. It’s thoughtful. It’s personal. And it’s a million times more meaningful than a plug-and-play script.
So don’t just hand over a checklist and hope for the best. Bring them into the process. Talk. Share. Build something together.
Trust me—it makes all the difference.
Making It Meaningful
The best wedding ceremonies are the ones that feel genuine—where guests walk away saying, “That was so them.” That comes from the little moments: the way you look at each other during your vows, the laughter when someone tears up, or the reading your sister can barely finish because she’s crying happy tears.
Your wedding ceremony kicks off your marriage. Make it count by making it yours. And the best way to do that? Start with someone who gets it, and gets you—and then work with them to tell your story the way it deserves to be told.
Ready to Make Your Ceremony Truly Yours?
Don’t just settle for a generic script—your love story deserves to be told in a way that feels personal and meaningful. Start by collaborating with your officiant to create a ceremony that’s all about you.
Download our free worksheet to help guide your conversation with your officiant and make sure your ceremony is exactly what you envision. From vows to rituals, this worksheet has everything you need to get started!
Click here to get your free worksheet now!
Let’s create a ceremony that’s as unique as your love story. ❤
Hearts, Joy, Love!Jean
Author of “Wedding Invitations, RSVPs, and More! Oh My!” and “From ‘I Will’ to ‘I Do’”
