Something as relatively simple as wedding save-the-dates is still causing confusion and panic for brides. Go on social media or other wedding planning forums, and you’ll see a lot of:
1) Brides worrying about not receiving RSVPs after sending Save-the-Dates.
Or…
2) Someone who received one said they can’t make it, so the brides are wondering if they should still send an invitation.
Or…
3) They’ve designed a pretty card that has their names, wedding date, and location on it, but that’s it.
The problem? They aren’t treating/using the Save-the-Date in the manner that it was designed for.
The Purpose of a Wedding Save-the-Date
What is a Save-the-Date?
Let’s start with what this card is.
Save-the-Dates are relatively simple. Essentially they are merely an informative piece. A date notification + invitation teaser. The point sending this is to tell the guest:
What:
Fred and Wilma are getting married
When:
on Saturday, September 18, 2027
Where:
in Bedrock, Arizona
What to do:
save the date
What to expect:
invitation to follow
That’s it.
No “Are you coming?”
What a Save-the-Date Isn’t
It is not an RSVP card.
It isn’t asking if they can come. Because it isn’t asking, there is nothing for guests to answer, so don’t expect one.
It does not provide details, nor is it required to.
No time of ceremony. No address for the venue. Just a general city and state.
It is not a pre-invitation.
It is not a substitute for a formal invitation, but a “We’re going to send you an invitation.”
When to Use Save-the-Dates
Decades ago, it was more common for couples, their families, and many of their guests to live in the same general area. If you were getting married, chances were pretty good that most of the people you wanted there didn’t have to make major travel arrangements.
Today, that’s often not the case. Couples may live in different states, families may be spread across the country, and friends can be scattered everywhere. For many guests, attending a wedding means arranging flights, hotels, time off work, childcare, and more.
Save-the-Dates were designed to give your guests a heads up.
You don’t have to send them just because you’re getting married.
They’re a tool, not a mandatory step in the wedding-planning checklist.
They are helpful if your wedding will be on a holiday weekend or during peak travel times. Also useful if your guests would appreciate extra time to make travel arrangements, get time off from work, etc.
That’s where Save-the-Dates come in. They’re a heads-up: “Here’s our date. We’re getting married. Plan accordingly, because an invitation is coming.”
They aren’t required for every wedding. If you’re wondering whether you should send one to your guests, Should I Send a Save-the-Date to My Wedding Guests? can help you decide.
There’s another reason to be careful about who receives a Save-the-Date. Once you’ve sent one, you’ve essentially committed to inviting that person. That’s something I discuss in Overbooked: The Misuse of Save-the-Dates and Guest List Overload.
Which brings us to:
What do we do about [the items listed in the intro]?
1) No RSVP to your Save-the-Date?
Don’t worry about it. Don’t expect one.
2) A guest said they can’t come.
Leave them on the guest list and send them an invitation. A Save-the-Date says “we’re going to send you an invitation.” Keep your word, send the invite.
Circumstances can change. Someone who can’t attend when the Save-the-Date arrives may later discover that they can. Sending the invitation gives them the opportunity to RSVP if their situation changes.
3) We made a Save-the-Date with our names, date, and city. What’s the problem?
There may not be a problem. But what you’ve created is essentially a wedding announcement. You haven’t told the recipient that they’re being invited to your wedding or that an invitation will follow.
Why This Misinformation Spreads
Why does this misinformation and confusion about Save-the-Dates continue?
While I don’t want to say “Social Media Bad”, social media can be a wonderful place to find ideas, inspiration, and support. But it also puts a lot of voices into the conversation, including people who may be repeating something they’ve heard without knowing whether it’s actually correct.
And once enough people repeat the same thing, it starts to sound like wedding law.
It’s the wedding-planning version of an echo chamber.
Save the Date, Save Your Sanity
Stop overthinking the use of a Save-the-Date. Don’t make more work for yourself. Trust the process.
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Hearts, Joy, Love!
Jean
Wedding Specialist | Author | Blogger
Helping couples plan with confidence (and the occasional sparkle and twist) for 25+ years
Photo Credit: Micah & Sammie Chaffin via Unsplash
