Wedding time is a happy time! It’s a celebratory, exciting time, and, yes, sometimes can be quite stressful! Usually all goes smoothly and well, but you may occasionally find yourself tip-toeing around, over, and through a minefield of conflicting opinions from your well meaning family and friends. Everyone has an opinion, and when you’re planning a wedding, you may be surprised at how many people will share theirs with you. They are people you love, and of course you want them to be happy. So what to do when others give their opinions about your wedding plans?
Is trying to keep everyone happy the thing to do?
Some options you are given will be simply a comment that the “giver”won’t really think about again. Fielding those opinions are easy. But sometimes you going to have to summon all the strength and patience you possess to say ‘yes,’ ‘no’, or ‘maybe’ to the people who mean well, but in spite of your best efforts, are persistent or become insistent that you do as they say. It’s at those times when issues can arise.
Every family, even the most loving easy-going ones, has “issues:”
• Two aunts haven’t spoken in years. Both have threatened to be a “no show” if the other one is invited.
• Your cousin who agreed to be a bridesmaid has withdrawn the offer because she thinks the dress you’ve chosen for the bridesmaids “will make her look fat.”
• The groom’s aunt and uncle dislike the place you’ve chosen for the reception.
Others are steadfast in their beliefs as to how a wedding “should” be, and feel the need to question your plans. These folks often start their sentences with:
• Why are you having . . .?
• You can’t have . . .
• Why are you doing . . .?
They’ll question your food choices, your color scheme, your flower choices, your music selections, everything!
The list goes on.
Nearly every couple will hear some rumbling about an aspect or two regarding their wedding plans. The question then is, when others give their opinions about your wedding plans, is there anything you can, or want, to do about these questions and issues? But the real point is, whose problem is it really, yours or theirs?
We all know the answer is ‘theirs,’ but it can be too easy to get caught up in the middle of it.
Sometimes a simple reply of “we’ll take that into consideration” is all it takes. The opinion giver will have had their say, and since their ideas weren’t immediately shot down, feel as if they’ve been heard.
But if they won’t let up? This wonderful piece of advice was found on The Daily Positive,
If someone continues to constantly share their strong opinions and you feel like you’re being pressured to consider their advice, then it’s time to share your perspective.
[Prepare] a response that acknowledges the other person’s opinions while confidently communicating your plans and your needs.For example, “Thanks for trying to help, but as much as we’d like to host an open bar, we just can’t make it happen and we’re ok with that. We’re doing the best that we can with what we have, and, trust me, we’re really excited for the wedding that we’re planning!”
A response like this is super effective because you’re thanking the person for their advice, but it also makes your plans very clear – and it ends on a positive note about your enthusiasm for the wedding!
Most experts would caution couples about allowing themselves to be blackmailed into shaping their day around someone else’s wants or beliefs, and letting other people foist their issues onto the couple. Experts are likely to advise couples that those people need to deal with their own conflicts even when they continue to complain. And they are likely to advise the couple to quickly scratch “Making Everybody Happy” off their to-do list.
Know that some compromise may occasionally be necessary, depending on how close the couple are to the person offering their “opinion.” In every relationship, some give and take is a wise move, but know too that bumps will happen. You’ll need to know when to say “when,” and be prepared to set boundaries if necessary when others give their opinions about your wedding plans.
The best advice comes from Richard Carlson, Ph.D. He said, “When wedding preparations take on a life of their own and you start to wonder if it’s all worth it, remember the true purpose of the event. This is a celebration of your love and union of your lives together.”
Have you had people give unsolicited advice when you were planning your wedding? What did you do?
Hearts, Joy, Love!
Jean
Looking for fun ideas, or need help with your wedding plans?
Weddings From The Heart can help. Contact me today at jean@weddingsfromtheheart.net or by phone or text at 937-581-3647!