“What do we do when guests don’t RSVP? Some people just don’t reply to our wedding invitation. Is there a magic formula for the best guess of these non-RSVP people that will actually show up?”
Why do you need guests to RSVP?
Sadly it’s not unusual when seemingly well informed people don’t RSVP to your wedding even when the invitation clearly requests it.
You’ve worked hard on your guest list, and mailing out your invitations. Getting RSVPs back can be a BIG problem. Even when providing a pre-addressed and pre-stamped card, where all they have to do is check either “yes” or “no” and drop it in a mailbox, people just aren’t in the habit of giving a proper response.
Having an accurate number of expected guests is critical at weddings and other large events. You need this for:
* your caterer for meal planning and preparation
* for your rental company for accurate quantities of chairs, linens, etc.
* for your florist for quantities of centerpieces
* your bartender for accurate numbers of alcohol and other beverages
* making a seating chart
So, what do you do when guests don’t RSVP and how do you figure out the actual number of who is coming?
What you don’t want to do is assume. “Oh, they’re not coming. They didn’t RSVP.” or “Of course so-and-so will be there.”
Never Guess! Never Assume!
You don’t want to give your caterer a head count that ends up too low (and you end up with not enough food and drinks and seating – making you look bad, when it’s not your fault that they didn’t let you know that they were coming) or too high (and ending up with more food and centerpieces and linens than you really need – and having to pay for those extras to boot).
I always recommend that the day after “Please Reply Date” have someone call those who haven’t responded. I’ve even made these calls for brides. It’s a simple “we’re looking forward to celebrating with you. Will you be able to make it?” Get a definite yes or no – no maybes.
Don’t feel bad about calling people who haven’t responded. So much depends on how many people will be there – food, drink, tables, chairs, centerpieces. . . you need an accurate number.
When guests don’t RSVP, you may wonder why some people don’t feel the need to reply. In reality it’s probably more of an “I’ll take care of that later” than an “I don’t have to.” It’s so easy to get caught up in the everyday goings on, that filling in and sending back an RSVP gets forgotten.
Emily Post has said, “No one is obligated to accept an invitation or to explain their reasons for not accepting. However, when someone is kind enough to extend an invitation, one should be just as kind and reply to the invitation.”
Unfortunately not everyone gets it!
You’ve sent an RSVP card with the “reply by” date clearly on it, and have included a pre-addressed and stamped envelope. You’d think that it couldn’t be any easier, but lo and behold, you still haven’t heard from them by the time the return date that is on the card.
So. . .
What do you do when guests don’t RSVP??
Easy! You need to contact those people who have yet to reply and find out if they will be attending.
The simplest way is to make a phone call. All you have to say is, “Hi ______. We’re looking forward to seeing you at our wedding, but haven’t gotten your RSVP back yet. Will you be able to make it?” Also ask their desired menu selections if you are offering a choice of entrée options.
It’s easy to get irritated when guests don’t RSVP, but don’t say anything like, “You haven’t sent the RSVP card back,” because they may have, but it got lost in the mail. (Even if they haven’t mailed it back, you don’t want to put them on the defensive).
There’s also an off chance that they never received your invitation in the first place. Again, it may have gotten lost in the mail, or the address you have for them is incorrect.
Anyway, stick to “We’re looking forward to celebrating with you. Will you be there?”
Make sure you get a definite yes or no, not a maybe. Your caterer needs definite numbers, not “maybes.”
If you feel that if you make the calls yourself that you will end up stuck in big conversations, enlist for help of others to make some phone calls for you. Family members, your bridesmaids, and your wedding planner can all call on your behalf.
If you are an invited guest, here are a few helpful hints for you to remember.
* Reply as soon as possible. Don’t put the invitation in your “to do” pile unless you need to ask the availability of another person whose name may be on the invitation with yours.
* Keep your reply brief. If you cannot attend, there is no need to go into great detail about why you can’t be there.
* If a reply is not requested, it is not necessary to respond. However, it is nice to let the host know when you cannot attend.
What do you do when guests don’t RSVP but show up?
Your first thought is probably, “Easy. Don’t let them in.” But that really isn’t the way to go. For one thing, you’re starting off the reception with something negative, and giving people something negative to talk about (for days and even years) afterwards. (You want your wedding to be remembered for the right reasons after all).
You may also be thinking, “But why should I let someone in who didn’t RSVP?”
Think of it this way. You invited them. You asked them to come. They came. The issue is that you didn’t know that they were going to come. So, who’s at fault here? Really they are because they weren’t courteous enough to reply to your invitation. But turning away people at the door will make you look bad, and could contribute to ongoing family feuds.
So, instead of potentially having more people at your reception than anticipated, you need to be proactive so it can’t become an issue.
Follow the above advice and contact every non-RSVPer, then “What to do when guests don’t RSVP” will be a moot point.
Also, most events will have a few folks who RSVPed “yes” but don’t attend, hey, things come up. And most caterers will make 5% more food than needed, so this balances things out. You may want to have an extra table, or some extra seats at a few tables, just in case.
Photo credit: Anton Shpak via 123RF
Hearts, Joy, Love!
Jean
Looking for fun ideas, or need help with your wedding plans? Contact me today at jean@weddingsfromtheheart.net or by phone or text at 937-581-3647!