Brides have etiquette questions about their wedding. Grooms have etiquette questions about their wedding. Let’s face it, anyone involved in a wedding (whether they a newlywed-to-be, a member of the wedding party, parent, or guest) has questions about proper wedding etiquette.
And I’ve answered a lot of them (either in person or online on sites like Quora). My answers have gotten a lot of attention, with thousands of views and hundreds of “upvotes.”
Photo Credit: Emma Bauso via Pixabay
I believe that if one person has asked a question, the likelihood of someone else asking (or even just thinking about) the same question is pretty high. So, with that in mind, I’ve done a round-up of some of my most popular answers to the etiquette questions they have about weddings.
Etiquette Questions About Weddings (and Answers) Roundup From Quora
#1 – Q. Can I bring a guest to a wedding if the invitation was not addressed to me plus a guest?
A. Since the invitation is addressed to just you, with no indication of an “and guest” or “plus one,” then no, you cannot bring someone with you. Couples spend a lot of time on their guest list. And a lot of different factors goes into who they ultimately put on their list, including budget, size of venue, and desired size of a group they wish to host.
To bring someone who is not indicated on the invitation is the same as bringing someone who was not invited, and is very disrespectful to the couple.
#2 – Q. If wearing white dresses in weddings is inappropriate, then why did Pippa Middleton wear white in Kate Middleton’s wedding?
A. When you have the honor of being a maid of honor or bridesmaid in someone’s wedding, do you just pick out something to wear all on your own? Of course not. The bride selects the attire (or gives the wedding party some guidelines).
So why did Pippa wear white in her sister’s wedding? Because the bride wanted her to.
#3 – Q. Is it rude to invite a parent to a wedding, but not include the children?
Photo Credit: Pamula Reeves-Barker via Pixabay
A. No, it’s not rude at all. I’ve said it before, it is your wedding. Therefore you can invite (or not invite) whomever you want, including the exclusion of kids.
If several of your invited guests have small children, (especially if they’re from out of town), you may want to consider providing childcare at your reception – but you are not obligated to do so. If you choose not to, it would be gracious to provide a list of reputable childcare/babysitters that your guests can make arrangements for on their own.
Choosing to not invite kids is not a decision that couples take lightly. There are several things to take into consideration regarding whether or not to invite children. Be careful when making cuts to your invitation list. If you don’t want kids, don’t invite any. Inviting some children, but not inviting others will make for hurt feelings.
Exception to the rule: your own children, your nieces/nephews, your godchildren.
#4 – Q. Would you confront a guest that went to your wedding but didn’t bring a gift?
A. No. Never!
Being invited to and attending a wedding carries NO obligation of bringing a gift. The point of inviting someone to your wedding is to celebrate and share the day with them. The point should never be about the gift.
You invite someone to your wedding because you want to share the celebration with them, NOT because you want a gift.
Being invited to and attending a wedding carries NO obligation to bring a gift.
#5 – Q. When you’re not invited to a wedding or celebration, are you expected to buy a gift?
Photo Credit: Gabriele M. Reinhardt via Pixabay
A. If you are not invited, then no, you aren’t expected to buy a gift. Actually even if you are invited, that doesn’t obligate you to give a gift, however it is a nice gesture.
Depending on your relationship with the couple getting married, if you are close with them, you may want to give a gift even if not invited, but that is your choice.
#6 – Q. How do you respond if you get a wedding invitation for you and no guest?
A. Since the invitation is to you with no guest (or plus one), then the hosts are only inviting you. How to respond depends on whether or not you plan to attend. If you will be attending you respond “Yes,” if you will not be attending you respond “No.” Simple as that.
The couple’ getting married have a reason for not including a plus one, and have put a lot of effort into creating a guest list that they can accommodate. Never ask them if you can bring someone with you. Instead, be honored that they want you to celebrate their special day with them.
#7 – Q. Can you wear a white dress with a pattern to a wedding?
A. It depends. Is the dress “white with a bit of a pattern” or a “patterned dress on a little bit of white background.” Really, without seeing the dress, it’s impossible to give a definitive yes or no answer.
However, when in doubt err on the side of caution and choose something else to wear.
#8 – Q. Is it “bad form” to throw a potluck wedding reception?
A. In some communities, this is common practice. But as a rule, yes it is “bad form.” When you invite someone to your wedding, the expectation is that if there will be food or beverages, it is provided by you (the hosts). You, as the host, are treating your guests.
From a safety standpoint, it is best to have professional caterers provide the food, as they have the know-how to properly handle large quantities of food to avoid any issues that can cause illness.
#9 – Q. Is it inappropriate to wear a wine red dress to a wedding?
A. Unless the color is a cultural no-no, or you know that it’s very similar to the wedding colors the couple have chosen, or what the bridesmaids are going to be wearing, then yes a wine red dress is fine.
What’s more important is the style. Is the style appropriate for a wedding? A hem line that is up to there, a neckline that is down to there, showing too much skin, or is super tight is definitely inappropriate for a wedding regardless of the color.
#10 – Q. Is it rude that I’m telling guests they have to bring a gift to my wedding?
A. In a word, YES. The point of inviting guests to your wedding is not for them to bring a gift, but to have them present to witness and celebrate the first day of your marriage.
You may have heard the saying “Your presence is present enough,” or something similar. While some may think it’s cutesy, it is quite accurate.
[ctt template=”1″ link=”7m04f” via=”yes” ]Here’s a round-up of some of my most popular answers to etiquette questions about weddings on Quora.[/ctt]#11 – Q. What happens to the wedding gifts if the wedding gets called off?
A. If the wedding is called off, any gifts should be returned to the gift-giver.
#12 – Q. At a wedding reception, if the father of the bride is deceased, should there not be a mother and son dance?
A. There can be a mother/son dance without a father/daughter dance, and vice versa. Or another male, perhaps an uncle or brother, can dance with the bride in honor of her father. Or they can do a mother/daughter dance. Or they can skip parent dances completely. It’s up to the couple, and how the bride will feel without having her father there for this moment of her wedding day.
#13 – Q. Do I have to invite my family I’m not close to, to my wedding?
A. It’s your wedding, so technically, you can invite (or not invite) whoever you want.
That said, consider the following:
1) Do you just “not like him,” or does it go deeper than that? Is it because the two of you just “don’t click,” or is there “bad blood” between you?
2) How will this affect future family get-togethers? Will other family members brush it off with a simple “meh,” or will you be hearing about this for years to come?
3) How will this affect other family members? Will this cause friction between the 2 step-siblings you are close to and the 3rd step-sibling? Will it cause friction between you and the step-parent?
#14 – Q. Is it considered rude or inconsiderate to schedule a wedding over Labor Day or Memorial Day weekend in the USA?
A. No, it’s not rude. It is an honor to be invited to someone’s wedding. There are many reasons why a couple picks a particular date to get married, and inconveniencing their guests is not on that list.
I always recommend that couple who do choose a holiday weekend send out save-the-date cards. That way their guests have extra time to make their plans.
#15 – Q. Is it rude to wear nice flip flops to a wedding?
A. “Rude” isn’t really the right word. Unless the wedding is super informal, flip flops are just too causal for a wedding.
So, what do you think of my answers to these etiquette questions on weddings? How would you have answered? Do you have any other etiquette questions (or any wedding related questions for that matter) of your own? Let me know in the comments below!
Hearts, Joy, Love!
Jean
Author of “Wedding Invitations, RSVPs, and More! Oh My!” and “From ‘I Will’ to ‘I Do’”
Do you have questions about your wedding plans? Contact me today at jean@weddingsfromtheheart.net or by phone or text at 937-581-3647!