It’s always amazing how even the most well-intentioned people sometimes forget (or ignore) the simple act of RSVPing. If you’ve ever hosted a big event, you know the struggle: you need to know how many guests to plan for, but some folks just never send back their RSVPs! Frustrating, right?
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For weddings and other large events, an accurate headcount is critical. Venues need final numbers. Caterers require a guest count. Seating charts, place cards, favors—so much depends on knowing exactly who and how many are coming. That’s why RSVPs exist! Yet, despite clear instructions and deadlines, some guests still don’t respond.
The Etiquette of RSVPs: When (and How) You Should Respond
As etiquette expert Emily Post once said, “No one is obligated to accept an invitation or to explain their reasons for not accepting. However, when someone is kind enough to extend an invitation, one should be just as kind and reply to the invitation.” Unfortunately, not everyone got the memo.
Photo Credit: Freepik
What to Do When Guests Don’t RSVP
So, what can you do if you’re the one planning a wedding and people aren’t responding? First, don’t panic. It’s surprisingly common, but you can take action.
A good solution is to ask for help. Recruit family members or members of your wedding party to reach out to the non-responders. A friendly phone call or text can work wonders. Here’s a simple script they can use:
Hi [Guest’s Name], this is [Your Name]. I just wanted to check in and make sure you received the invitation to [Bride & Groom’s Names]’s wedding. The RSVP deadline has passed, and they need a final guest count soon. Everyone is looking forward to celebrating together! Will you be attending?
If leaving a voicemail, add: Please call or text me back at [Your Number] to let me know. Thanks so much!
Most guests will appreciate the gentle nudge and respond promptly. And if someone still doesn’t reply? You’ll have to assume they’re not coming and plan accordingly.
If You’re a Guest: RSVP Etiquette 101
If you receive an invitation, the only correct response is to let the hosts know whether you’ll be there. Here are a few tips to make sure you’re a model guest:
1. Respond using the same method the invitation was sent—unless the hosts request otherwise. If you received a mailed invitation with a reply card, return it by mail. If the invitation includes RSVP instructions asking you to reply another way, such as by phone, email, or an online RSVP site, follow those directions instead. If you received a digital invite, respond digitally. (Thankfully, wedding invitations sent via text are still pretty rare!)
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2. RSVP as soon as possible. Don’t toss the invitation into your “I’ll get to it later” pile. It’s understandable that you might need a little time to sort out travel plans or check with your plus-one, but don’t put it off too long. A prompt response helps the couple (and their sanity) more than you know!
3. Keep it short and sweet. If you can’t attend, a simple “Thank you so much for the invitation, but unfortunately, we won’t be able to make it” is enough. No need to overshare.
4. If no RSVP is requested, you don’t need to respond—but it’s still courteous to let the hosts know if you won’t be attending. Some invitations specify “Regrets only,” meaning you should only respond if you can’t attend. This is typically used for smaller events, where the host assumes most guests will be there unless they hear otherwise.
The Takeaway
RSVPing isn’t just about good manners—it’s about respecting your hosts and making event planning smoother. Whether you’re the one sending the invitations or the one receiving them, you’ll find that a little communication goes a long way.
If you’re planning a wedding and want to avoid common invitation and RSVP mishaps, check out my book Wedding Invitations, RSVPs, and More! Oh My! It’s packed with practical advice to help you navigate this often-overlooked part of wedding planning with ease.
Need more wedding planning tips? Be sure to follow along for more insights to make your big day (or the one you’re attending) stress-free and fabulous!
Hearts, Joy, Love!Jean
Author of “Wedding Invitations, RSVPs, and More! Oh My!” and “From ‘I Will’ to ‘I Do’”
