Photo Credit: Noelle Rebekah via Unsplash
I’ve been seeing a lot of questions online lately from brides asking about when to mail out wedding invitations. And when the RSVP by date should be.
And they always get tons of comments. But seriously, some of the responders need to stop. You’re freaking out your fellow brides with misinformation.
I’ve seen commenters tell brides:
• Mail out wedding invitations 6 months in advance.
• Your venue needs the final guest count months before the wedding.
• If someone doesn’t RSVP, turn them away if they show up.
None of these are universally true, and some are simply bad advice.
Just because twenty people insist that invitations must be mailed six months before the wedding doesn’t make it best practice. It just means twenty people are repeating the same misinformation.
So, back to the original questions – when should you send wedding invitations?
When To Mail Out Wedding Invitations
Typically 6-8 weeks prior to the wedding date is sufficient time. I repeat – 6 – 8 WEEKS PRIOR is sufficient. 8-10 weeks if your wedding falls on a holiday weekend or is during peak vacation time, or a destination wedding. That’s it. Really.
Then on to question #2, when should the RSVP by date be?
The deadline for wedding RSVPs should be a minimum of 2 weeks before your wedding date, as this will give you time to contact any non-RSVPers to confirm whether or not they will be attending. (Yes, this is a wedding planning task that will have to be done).
However, before you determine your RSVP by date, find out from your venue when they need their final head count. Most require this 72 hours in advance. Yes, only 3 DAYS before your wedding (not weeks or months). So, having your RSVP by cutoff 2 weeks prior is sufficient.
In rarer cases there are some venues that require their head count sooner, like 1 week or 2 weeks prior to the wedding date. In this case, push your RSVP by date earlier by the same amount. (Example, if they require their final head count 1 week prior, RSVP by should be 3 weeks prior. If the head count is 2 weeks prior, then make the RSVP cutoff 4 weeks prior).
Typical Wedding Invitation Timeline
• Mail out wedding invitations: 6-8 weeks before wedding
• Deadline for wedding RSVP: 2 weeks before wedding
• Follow up with non-responders: immediately after RSVP deadline
• Submit final head count: according to venue requirements (often 72 hours before the wedding)
But won’t we get more RSVPs back if we send the invitations earlier?
In a word, no.
Many couples assume that mailing invitations earlier means guests will respond earlier.
Works in theory. Not so well in practice.
Unfortunately, that’s not how people work.
When guests receive an invitation six months before the wedding, many think, “I’ve got plenty of time.” So they set it aside.
And then they forget about it.
When invitations arrive closer to the wedding date, there’s a greater sense of urgency. Guests are more likely to check their calendars, make a decision, and respond promptly.
But Won’t Giving The Venue Head Count Earlier Be Helpful?
Let’s say your venue doesn’t require the final head count until 3 days before your wedding. But in an attempt to be efficient and get things done early, you give it to them 30 days before.
One of 2 things will happen:
1) They will tell you they don’t need the final head count yet.
2) They will politely take the number you give them, but not really need it.
Why Don’t They Want It Earlier?
Simply put, because they are focusing on the next event they have on their calendar.
It’s not that they don’t care about your wedding, but for them, final details like these are only important to the upcoming event they are preparing for. Then once that event is done and over with, their priority shifts to the next event on their calendar. While they truly care about both events, the wedding scheduled for this weekend will take priority over the wedding in 4 weeks.
Sending Your Invitations Out Too Early Can Cause More Stress
More stress? How can checking something off my to-do list possibly add stress? Fair question, but think of it this way.
When you mail your wedding invitations within the 6-8 week timeframe (with an RSVP deadline being 2 weeks before your wedding) you’re dealing with a 4–6 week window of waiting for responses.
Now compare that to mailing them 3–4 months in advance, like some people suggest.
You’ve just turned a 4–6 week RSVP window into a 3-month period of wondering, checking, and worrying about who has or hasn’t responded.
And let’s be honest—you already have enough on your plate during wedding planning.
Don’t stretch out the stress unnecessarily.
RSVP Deadlines and Non-Responders
But if they don’t RSVP, why can’t we turn them away if they show up anyway?
You’ve invited them and given them an easy way to let you know whether they’ll be attending. If they haven’t replied at all, that’s poor etiquette on their part. But you cannot assume that no response automatically means “No.”
Once your RSVP deadline has passed, reach out to anyone who hasn’t responded and get a definite yes or no. Yes, that’s extra work for you. But your partner, maid of honor, planner, or other helpers can share the task and make those phone calls too.
The reason you can’t simply turn someone away is because you’ve already invited them. Reread the first part of this section: You’ve invited them. You asked them to come. Rescinding an invitation because they failed to RSVP isn’t good hosting etiquette. While their lack of response was inconsiderate, it’s still your responsibility to determine whether they plan to attend before finalizing your guest count.
Bottom line: when it comes to when to mail out wedding invitations and setting your RSVP by date, follow the actual timelines your venue requires, not the loudest advice of the masses.
Keep it simple. Keep it realistic. And save yourself the extra stress.
If you want a deeper breakdown of invitation timelines, RSVP management, and the other details that tend to get overcomplicated, you’ll find more guidance in my book Wedding Invitations, RSVPs, and More! Oh My!
It walks you through the practical side of these decisions so you can more forward with less guesswork and fewer conflicting opinions.
Hearts, Joy, Love!
Jean