I was reading a story about a bride who was frustrated with her future mother-in-law (FMIL). Seems that FMIL keeps feels obligated to add people to the wedding guest list – namely extended family that neither the bride nor the groom (remember, this is HIS side) has seen nor talked to in years.
These additions are greatly increasing their guest list, making their wedding way larger than they wanted.
So, what to do if you find yourself in a similar situation? Are you asking yourself “who do I have to invite to my wedding?”
There are a number of things that can be done to keep your wedding guest list from getting out of hand, and which remedy you choose depends on what you and your fiancé want out of your wedding day.
Typically a wedding guest list is a culmination of 4 separate lists – yours, your fiance’s, your parents’, and your fiance’s parents’. After you’ve decided how many people in total you want, divide that number by 4 (or 3 if you and your fiancé are doing your portion together), and let everyone know they can only put this amount of people on their portion of the list. Once these preliminary lists are done, put them all together and you’ve got “The” list.
Simple, right?
Not always. Life isn’t symmetrical – and none of us has the same exact number of loved ones that we’d want to include. So, sometimes somebody tries to be sneaky (or not so sneaky) and add in more than their allotted number of names.
Wedding Guest List Dilemma? 4 Ways To Handle Unwanted “Obligation” Invitees
Here’s what to do:
1) If your desired head count (you know, that number of people in total that you want), is already at the maximum capacity of the venue, then you both have to make it clear to everyone that they can only have x amount of people on their portion of the wedding guest list. This is not debatable.
2) If money is an issue, and someone wants to go over their allotted number of invitees, then they have to provide the additional funds. More on that later.
3) If you and your fiance’s ideal wedding is only of a certain size, and you both really want to keep the size of the wedding guest list at the original agreed upon number, then again, you both have to make it clear to others that they can only have x amount of people on their portion of the guest list. This is not debatable.
4) If you and your fiancé haven’t talked about your ideal wedding day, do so now! If you could have your wedding any way you want, no limitations (except what you want or don’t want), what would it be? What would be your fiance’s ideal wedding?
Does his ideal wedding ultimately include inviting all the relatives? If not, then see #3. If so, then you’ll need to figure out where adjustments can be made.
Break down the lists into how you feel about them being at your wedding – “can’t imagine them not being there,” “would love for them to be there,” “would be nice/ok if they were there,” “not bothered if they weren’t there.” This way you can see who could potentially be removed to accommodate any additional invitees.
Paying for the extra people:
Beware of the offer to pay for the extra guests. Why? Because an extra guest is more than just the cost of an extra plate of food – which is typically what most people are thinking of when they offer to pay.
More people is not just that extra plate of food. Extra people means more beverages, more tables and chairs, more table linens and napkins, more centerpieces, more favors… Not to mention the sales taxes and surcharges incurred upon these extra items.
Inviting 8 additional people can easily add $500 to the budget. Paying for that extra $25 plate of food suddenly doesn’t seem quite so doable, does it?
Sure, you want to be “fair.” You want to keep the peace and make everyone happy. But remember, this is your wedding – yours and your fiance’s – and you want the people you most want to celebrate your special day with on the wedding guest list. Ultimately, choose what really matters to the two of you.
Hearts, Joy, Love!
Jean
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Weddings From The Heart can help. Contact me today at jean@weddingsfromtheheart.net or by phone or text at 937-581-3647!