It may be hard to believe but having uninvited wedding guests show up to the reception happens all too frequently! You and your partner have worked hard in creating the perfect guest list. One that includes the people most special to you, who you can’t imagine not celebrating with, (not to mention one that will fit into your budget and doesn’t exceed your venue’s maximum capacity). Your list is one that works for both of you (and probably with both sets of parents as well).
Photo Credit: Chris Dickens on Unsplash
You’ve selected the perfect invitation suite, and have mailed them out to the people on your list. So far so good. Now it’s time to wait for the RSVP cards to come back. Who will check “Yes” and who will check “No”? It’s an exciting time. However – and it happens more often than you would expect -you get a reply (or 2) from guests who state on the RSVP card that the number of guests planning to attend is larger than the number invited. Oops!! What to do?
[ctt template=”1″ link=”46fgy” via=”yes” ]How do you say no when a wedding guest tries to add a plus one?[/ctt]
What to Do If the Returned RSVP Includes Uninvited Wedding Guests
You’ve got two options:
1) You can let it slide, and add the uninvited guest(s) to your list and head count.
If your head count (remember that banquet facilities do have a maximum seating capacity) and your budget can handle adding on any “extras,” chalk it up to bad manners of those guests (but take the high road and don’t say anything to them or anyone else about it) and greet them with as much good grace as you can muster.
Or
2) You can contact the “offenders” and politely, but firmly let them know that you cannot accommodate any people other than who was on your list.
If your count is already pushing you to maximum capacity and/or over your budget and you truly cannot absorb any “extra” folks, I recommend getting in contact with the guest in question as soon as possible, and explain that you are unable to expand the guest list with any additional people.
You can also enlist the help of a family member, a bridesmaid, or maid of honor (make sure they are a tactful person), to call the guest in question and explain that the newlyweds-to-be would love to be able to expand their guest list, but unfortunately it is not possible. The reason? Budget, time, or space concerns!
If the person is offended – and some will be – they are not true friends. They are the ones who have overstepped the etiquette boundaries.
How do you prevent having an uninvited wedding guest?
Photo Credit: Tae Fuller via Pexels
FAQs of Uninvited Guests and What to Do
What are most common types of uninvited guests?
• Often the extras are the invited guest’s child/children
• Sometimes they are a persons’ “date of the week”
• Some are straight out party crashers
How do you prevent having an uninvited wedding guest?
A common football adage is “the best offense is a good defense.” It works here as well. You can:
• First off, be clear when addressing the invitations – whenever possible find out the name of your guest’s +1 and write their name on the invitation as well instead of the ambiguous “and guest.”
• Instead of a “Number of guests attending ______” line on the RSVP card for your guests to fill in, use “_____ seats have been reserved for you,” then fill in the appropriate number yourself before mailing.
• Add the words “Adult only reception” to your invitation.
• Include a reminder on your wedding website. Simple and to the point is best.
“We can only accommodate children in the wedding party and immediate family at our reception. Thank you for understanding. We hope you enjoy your night off!”
“We’re sorry that we don’t have room for extras – if we allow +1s, there are family members who we won’t be able to invite.”
• Post someone at the entry with a list of all authorized wedding guests. If someone is not on the list, then they are not permitted to come in.
• Include extra seats or an empty table in your seating chart in anticipation of having uninvited guests show up.
How do you handle an uninvited wedding guest?
Before the wedding day, contact the actual invited guest and gently, but firmly, let them know that the additional person cannot be accommodated.
If on the wedding day, you can either 1) turn away any “uninviteds” at the door, (tempting, but not recommended), or 2) allow them in, but since they won’t be on the seating chart, they’ll have to wait until all invited guests have taken their seats, and an empty seat will be found for them.
It’s not unusual for a few people who RSVP’d “Yes” to not show up, so the likelihood of having an open seat is high. Or you can include some empty seats when creating your seating chart. Only have 6 people assigned to a table? Set it for 8.
How do you say no when a wedding guest tries to add a plus one?
Keep your reasoning short, simple, and to the point. “Unfortunately, in order to stay within budget, to stay within our venue’s seating capacity/rules, to keep our celebration intimate, to [fill in the blank], we are unable to accommodate any additional guests. Thank you for understanding.”
What to do if the invited guest offers to pay for an extra plate of dinner?
Stand firm, because we all know that having an additional person will cost more than the offerers expectation of only having to pay $25 or $35. (You’re also paying for sales tax, a catering surcharge, beverages, and cake/desserts, just to name a few).
What if the uninvited guest is a wedding crasher?
While wedding crashers aren’t as quickly noticed as the typical uninvited guest, there are some “tells,” including:
• They aren’t dressed appropriately for the occasion (often way too casual for a wedding)
• They skip the receiving line, and dodge the newlyweds all evening
• They spend most of their time eating, drinking, and dancing
If there is a suspected wedding crasher, confirm that neither the newlyweds nor their parents recognize the person. Further confirm this by asking them a question about the ceremony (that didn’t actually happen). Why about the ceremony? Because most wedding crashers only attend the reception. “That was kind of scary when the unity candle got knocked over, wasn’t it?” An actual guest will comment that they didn’t see that, while a crasher will play along.
Once identified, have the venue manager or wedding planner discreetly ask the crasher to quietly leave so the authorities won’t have to be called.
The potential of having an uninvited wedding guest is inevitable. Make it easier to deal with by having a plan in place to avoid any ambiguity and you can circumvent (or at least minimize) the problem right from the start.
What do you think about having uninvited guests show up to your wedding? Will you let it slide or let them know that they can’t attend? Let me know in the comments below.
Hearts, Joy, Love!
Jean
Author of “Wedding Invitations, RSVPs, and More! Oh My!” and “From ‘I Will’ to ‘I Do’”
Looking for fun ideas, or need help with your wedding plans? Contact me today at [email protected] or by phone or text at 937-581-3647!
