Weddings are filled with tradition. Everyone knows that. But many people either don’t think about the wedding traditions and meanings behind each tradition, or how the symbolism behind many wedding traditions change through the years. In this article, I’ll talk about the different wedding tradition meanings and how they’ve changed through the years.
Wedding Traditions and Symbolism
There’s something timeless about tradition. As time-honored practices, traditions are often associated with some sort of ritual or rite of passage, and have been so for centuries. A wedding is one type of event that is steeped in tradition – wearing a veil, tossing the bouquet, and having a wedding party, are just a few traditions associated with weddings.
It can make you wonder why following (or purposely not following) tradition is so important. Do people make the choice based merely on the act itself, or on the symbolism of what the act represents?
And if it is symbolism, what meaning are they applying for their wedding? Can the meaning be exactly the same as it was when it originated centuries ago? The answer is a definite “No” as wedding traditions change through the centuries.
As “timeless” and “unchanging” as traditions can be, society changes. Societal mores change. Therefore the meaning behind the traditions, including wedding traditions also change.
The fact that wedding traditions change comes to mind after reading another AITA post, this one by a Father of the Bride (FOB). His “independent thinking” daughter refused to let him walk her down the aisle stating that she won’t let him “give her away” because he doesn’t “own” her.
True. He doesn’t own her (and he admits as such). But, even though he doesn’t think of his daughter as his “property” what about all the other fathers who did walk their daughters down the aisle? Certainly, all of them, (especially those in more modern years) didn’t think of their daughters as property either.
The practice of “giving away the bride” dates back to the 16th century when women were their father’s property, and in exchange of a transfer of property he gave her away in exchange for a dowry. So, yeah, they did, but I’m talking about current day.
Does the 21st century dad really think of his daughter as property to give away on her wedding day?
The origins of many wedding traditions – including dowries, fertility, fear of evil spirits – were not romantic notions.
Of course not. Why? Because as “timeless” and “unchanging” as traditions can be, society changes. Societal mores change. Therefore the meaning behind the traditions also change, otherwise they do become nothing more than an antiquated practice. Wedding traditions change.
Take a look at the origins of a vast majority of wedding traditions. If the reason for doing any of those traditions today still held true for our current society, no one would ever do them! Dowries. Fertility. Fear of evil spirits. Accosting the bride and tearing her clothes. Not romantic notions anyone would expect to be associated with a wedding.
Wedding Tradition Meanings – Then and Now
Keeping the Evil Spirits Away
Wedding Bells
Then – The peal of a bell sounds to cheerful and festive. But ringing bells at a wedding was an old Irish custom to ward off evil spirits.
Now – Symbolizes love, joy and the start of their new life together.
Bridesmaids Dressing Alike
Then – Centuries ago, all of the women in the wedding party, including the bride, dressed alike to confuse any evil spirits who lurked around with the intent to cause harm and ill will to the bride.
Now – Rather than wearing matching attire, bridesmaids’ now coordinate with the color scheme and formality of the wedding.
Decorating the Newlyweds’ Getaway Car
Then – The practice of tying shoes to the back of the getaway car dates back to ancient Assyrian, Hebrew and Egyptian cultures where exchanging shoes sealed an agreement or contract.
Tin cans were later used as it was thought that the clanking sound would scare away any evil spirits, although it is unclear as to when this practice began.
Now – A fun way to announce to the world that the occupants of the vehicle are “Just Married!”
Entering Into a Contract/Legalities
Bridesmaids
Then – The original reason for having bridesmaids was merely a legality. In Ancient Rome, the law required 10 witnesses to be present at a wedding – hence bridesmaids.
Now – Being surrounded by those you are closest to, and who support your marriage.
Sealed With A Kiss
Then – Ancient Romans sealed contracts with a kiss.
Now – The couples’ love and commitment for each other.
Fertility
Cake
Then – Ancient Romans would break wheat cakes over the bride’s head. Since cakes represent fertility, Ancient Romans would bake cakes with wheat (a symbol of fertility and prosperity).
Now – A charming and delectable dessert that represents the couples first meal together.
Tossing Rice
Then – Rice itself symbolizes prosperity and fertility. Therefore, the practice of throwing rice at a wedding is symbolic of showering the couple with good fortune and lots of babies.
Now – An expression of the guests’ wish of luck for the future for the newlyweds.
Cleanliness (Or Lack Thereof)
Carrying a Bridal Bouquet
Then – The bridal bouquet was originally made of herbs, not flowers. It usually contained herbs which had a strong smell, such as thyme and garlic. The purpose was to frighten away any evil spirits which may be trying to cause trouble or harm to the bride.
Also, (the following was found in Insider.com)“in medieval times, . . . brides carried fragrant bouquets to mask their own body odor.”
Now – Today’s bouquet is often just a beautiful accessory. Sometimes certain flowers are chosen for their meanings, such as “red rose for love” or “peonies for honor, fortune, and a happy relationship.”
June Weddings
Then – In the 15th century people took annual baths in May. Since everyone smelled fresh, June became the perfect time for such a public gathering as a wedding.
Now – While June is still a popular month for weddings, September and October are close to edging it out of the #1 spot. Why? Weather – not too hot, not too cold, not rainy season, etc.
Property/Ownership/Business Transaction
Engagement rings
Then – In Ancient Rome, wives wore rings with small keys attached, signifying they were the property of their husbands.
Now – Is a symbol of love and a commitment to be together forever.
“Giving Away” the Bride
Then – Centuries ago, daughters were considered to be the property of their father. In the 16th century in England, the practice of the father walking his daughter down the aisle, and giving her away in exchange for a dowry.
Now – It’s a show of love and support of the union.
The Protection of Property
Groomsmen
Then – This goes back to the protection of property. In ancient Rome groomsmen would accompany the bride down the aisle, preventing anyone from kidnapping her and stealing the dowry. The Best Man was the one with the best skills with a sword.
Now – Being surrounded by those you are closest to, and who support your marriage.
No Runaway Grooms
Wearing a Veil
Then – Back in the days of arranged marriages, the groom was prevented from seeing the bride before the wedding ceremony, to prevent him from refusing to marrying her if he didn’t like the way she looked.
Now – A modern accessory to further express the bride’s personal style on her wedding day.
Not Seeing Each Other Before The Ceremony
Then – Another tradition originating as a “business deal.” Like with the wearing of a veil, the groom was prevented from seeing the bride before the ceremony, so he wouldn’t back out from marrying her.
Now – For those who still choose not to see each other before the ceremony, the reasoning is simply “It’s bad luck.” Bad luck in what way? It’s never really been specified. Possibly to further build up anticipation. While some brides prefer to have her fiancé see her as she’s walking down the aisle, many couples are doing a “First Look.” This give the couple a private moment (and some great photos by their photographer) before the wedding starts.
Wanting a Piece of the Good Luck (Literally)
Tossing the Bouquet and Garter
Then – In the Dark Ages people believed that anything the bride touched, including her clothes, carried good luck, and that if they had a bit of her garment they would share in this luck. How did they get this piece of garment? By tearing at her clothing!
To keep from being accosted, the bride would toss her bouquet and garter as a diversion, then run!
Now – A fun activity for your guests.
When it comes to traditions, my belief is that the couple can either 1) do the tradition as is, 2) omit the tradition altogether, 3) alter the tradition to better fit their wedding, or 4) incorporating a fun alternative.
Back To The AITA Post
So, going back to the AITA post, is the bride right or wrong in her decision to not let dad walk her down the aisle? Well, it is her wedding after all, (and her partner’s wedding too), so the final say should be what they want. Paying for a wedding shouldn’t give you “buying rights.”
But to base her decision based on reasoning that hasn’t held true for centuries doesn’t make her much of an “independent thinker” but an “uneducated” and “ignorant” one.
Is she going to carry a bridal bouquet? Wear a veil? Have a wedding cake? Did she accept an engagement from her fiancé? Probably. So it seems like she has some selective outrage going on.
Alternatives to “Who Gives This Woman…?”
Giving the bride away is an antiquated notion.
But there are alternatives. Instead of asking “Who gives this woman away?” the officiant can ask:
• Who supports this woman to be married to this man?
• Do you present this [woman/man/person] to be married today?
• Who presents this couple to be married today?
• Do you give your blessing for this couple to be married?
And responses can be:
• Her mother and I do.
• On behalf of her loving family, I do.
• She gives herself, but I offer the blessing of our family.
• All the parents can respond, “We do.”
Or this can be omitted completely with the groom stepping over to take his place with the bride, and the FOB taking his seat.
That said, if this (or any bride) prefers not to have her father walk her down the aisle, the her choice should be accepted. However, when planning your wedding, and deciding whether or not to include certain traditions, be sure to make an educated, not ignorant choice.
What wedding traditions did you use (or not use), and why? Let me know in the comments below!
Hearts, Joy, Love!
Jean
Author of “Wedding Invitations, RSVPs, and More! Oh My!” and “From ‘I Will’ to ‘I Do’”
Looking for fun ideas, or need help with your wedding plans? Contact me today at jean@weddingsfromtheheart.net or by phone or text at 937-581-3647!